What Should Have Been
by AbsoluteAddiction-x
Summary: From the moment that she had let him go, she had wanted nothing more than to hold on to him like her life depended on it.


**So, It's the night before my GCSE French Listening Exam. Am I revising? Psssh. Of course not. Instead I'm trying not to implode from the stress of it all by spending a little time on my laptop, and channeling some extra worry into my creative outlet. And thus, this little drabble was born. And when I say 'little', i mean 'extremely short'.**

**Oh, and also, my first fiction that hasn't had a T-rating! I looked at it, and looked at it, and eventually thought 'Nah, there's no way that I can bill this as anything more than a K+', even though I hate setting things as less than T. It actually causes me pain. Of the soul. Or something.**

**Exams give me headaches. T_T**

**DISCLAIMER: Trust me, if I owned Vampire Knight, the world would be a /very/ different place.**

**A/N; Oh, and sorry for any multiple alerts, seems to hate me at the minute.**

**-x-**

From the moment that she had let him go, she had wanted nothing more than to hold on to him like her life depended on it – because it did. Well, maybe not her life, but her reason for living; and, to her, they were one and the same.

At first, she thought she could live with it – could learn to forget – and move on; that would be the best thing for her and for everyone, right? She was Yuuki Kuran – no longer innocent, naïve Yuuki Cross – and she was practically royalty; the duty of continuing the Kuran line had been passed on to her, and it was a responsibility that she could not fail in. She idled away the days in luxury, most definitely, but the fine furnishings, exquisite dresses and constant comfort, did nothing to calm or soothe either her restless body nor her rueful heart.

Not even the endless love of her brother, who cherished her as though she were more precious than the world, could placate her, cease her heart from pining for what could not be. Not anymore.

In those first lonely weeks, she would not – could not – think of anything other than what she had thrown away in one stupid mistake. Or how she herself had made that one mistake inevitable through years of ignorance and fool-hardy dreaming; choosing to ignore the things that were so plainly before her eyes in favour of the obvious fairy tale with the perfect prince charming.

After that she cursed herself, for taking it for granted that he would always be there waiting for her, once she got bored of living in her dream-world and wanted to come back to reality – because after all, where else would he be other than waiting?

Weeks dragged into months, and she became a mistress of illusions and false truths, convincing all but a small few that she was indeed happy with her life, and living with no regrets. Of course, that's all it was - a tinkling of laughter here, a dazzling smile there; an illusion.

It was many months before she would allow herself to be loved completely by Kaname; he was more gentle and caring than she could have hoped for, had been more patient with her than she had expected him to be, and yet _still _she could not forget. But by now, even he could barely tell anymore.

The year mark came and went, and new life was created as well as a new year. She blossomed, and even began to believe that she was, slowly, starting to heal. She found she was able to return her lover's affections, if only slightly,and could wake up and _not _wish herself back into her dreams. As her body swelled, so did her heart.

But it wasn't to be.

Looking back, she decided that it was just another reminder of what she had thrown away and betrayed; her body telling her exactly how she had been made for him, to fit together perfectly and to live as she should have lived.

As silent tears carved their way down her cheeks and she gazed into the two identical pairs of wide, wine-coloured eyes that stared back at her, as yet innocent to anything other than herself in the world, she knew, in her heart and in her soul, that they should have been lilac instead.

**-x-**

**-Sigh- There we go. Now that's out of my system, maybe I'll be able to sleep or something.**

**Hope you enjoyed it. And that it actually made sense to you (:**

**~Absolute x**


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